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The Modern Children of Sarah and
Abraham
By Jennifer Levy, LCPC
In the three intervening years between delivering Alex
when I was almost 42, followed by Lizzie six weeks shy
of my 45th birthday, my obstetrician acquired a unique
distinction—she had become a first-time over-40 mom
herself.
It was my first inkling that midlife motherhood was no
longer the exception. In fact, it was fast becoming a
‘movement’ not unlike a benevolent, maternal incarnation
of the Borg, as the healthcare professionals who treated
us, were being assimilated into our growing demographic.
And, since early in the millennium, the new breed of
midlife motherhood has given birth to a global
expansion—you could say that “resistance is futile”.
Psychotherapist Jennifer Levy, specializing in
postpartum depression and women’s health issues in
Chicago, Illinois—and who had her 8-month-old son Myles
at the age of 44—is one of the latest to join the
‘mother ship’.
Through working with mothers in her private practice,
Levy represents the forerunners of pre- and postnatal
healthcare professionals who have begun to ‘walk the
over-40 mom talk.’
Levy, who gave birth to her ‘miracle’ baby, Myles, in
May 2009 has been profoundly moved by her personal
odyssey—fraught with seemingly insurmountable odds—to
become a midlife mother. This year she plans to launch
the first support group in the Chicago area to focus
specifically on the unique needs of new moms over 40, if
enough local interest can be generated.
And, after “three years of difficult fertility
treatments and heartbreaking cycles” before conceiving
Myles on their last attempt at IVF, Jennifer Levy has
earned her chops.
Like most of our generation, she admits: “My twenties
and thirties were spent developing myself both
professionally and personally—always thinking I’d get
married along the way and have a child.” She “forged
ahead” with her career until she met the man she
“couldn’t spend her life without” and got married at 40.
When her husband’s first wife passed away within weeks
of the marriage, Levy suddenly won the title of
“stepmother” to her new husband’s 8-year-old daughter.
“Sideways, is the way I describe raising a child out of
the blue” says Levy. But it woke within her the call of
a mother’s heart.
“It stirred up a longing I couldn’t ignore” she
continues, “I became very determined to have a child”.
“After briefly trying to conceive on our own, we moved
to Clomid and then on to IVF pretty quickly, given my
age. A profound sense of loss and sadness came over me
as I realized that what I wanted more than anything
might not happen at all.”
But when Myles was born via unplanned C-section last
May, the experience was an epiphany: “This child is a
total miracle to me.”
And, as her prayers were answered, the baby was named
Myles Isaac after the biblical story about the son of
Sarah and Abraham.
“It was a child they had longed for but were unable to
have until Abraham was around 100 and Sarah was about
90” says Levy, “sort of like today’s 40+ moms
–unbelievable! “
“My life is completely changed now—I think of Myles
every moment and dream of all I want him to experience
in this life.”
Levy (now 45), who has found that 25% of her
Chicago-based private psychotherapy practice consists of
new mothers over 40, realizes that midlife motherhood
has made her uniquely qualified to empathize with the
broad panoply of their particular needs and challenges.
“Infertility is the first challenge presented” she says,
“and women need support when going through infertility
treatments, as well as through their pregnancy,
particularly during pre-natal evaluation and testing
which is more invasive and frequent when they are over
40.”
Jennifer Levy is also acutely aware of the difficulties
in adjusting to later life motherhood: “Often, 40+ new
mothers have little peer support as most of their
friends had children younger, and their parents are
older and unavailable.”
There is also the rarely mentioned ‘shock’ value of
becoming a midlife mother—“After years of being career
focused, older mothers have more difficulty adjusting to
the needs and demands of a baby” and coping with reality
after “an idealized notion of what the first few months
are like”.
Levy feels that the sleep deprivation of new motherhood
“seems more debilitating for 40+ moms, often
significantly affecting their mood.”
Looking ahead, Jennifer Levy is excited about a future
filled with dreams for Myles Isaac—child of a modern
Sarah and Abraham—and the significant contribution she
can make to the quality of life of her over-40 mom
patients through her private practice and her new
support group.
“Having experienced infertility, fertility treatment,
pregnancy, birth and the adjustment to motherhood” she
says, “I can understand my patients’ experience in a
more profound and shared manner.
“I am able to clarify, normalize and provide support and
guidance from a place of truly knowing.”
Note to readers:
Jennifer E. Levy, LCPC (Licensed Clinical Professional
Counselor) is currently providing psychotherapy in a
private group practice, Wellsprings Health Associates. |
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